A Christmas CrossFit Poem

A Christmas CrossFit Poem post image

I was sent the following poem by a new FaceBook “friend” Jhaei Martin from the States. We originally got chatting about Obsessive CrossFit Disorder! She’s obviously got a hidden literary talent and has kindly allowed me to reproduce her poem here for all our enjoyment:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the box
Crossfitters were sweating in compression socks
The jumpropes were hung by the red bars with care,
In hopes that their coach soon would be there;
The newbies were hoping their muscles will shred
While the lists of WODs danced in Marisa’s head
And warm up on the white board should be done in a snap
but add-ons were listed so no time for a nap-
Then out on the lot there arose such a clatter,
Josue sprang from his corner to see what’s the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.
The sun through the glass now all aglow
Gave the blinding reflection to bars below;
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, full of Reebok gear
With a little squat and a few kips and kicks
He knew in a moment it can’t be just one chick
The girls of Crossfit, slowly they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, identified by name:
“Now! Annie, now! Angie, now! Linda, and Lynne,
“On! Mary, on! Nancy, on! Nicole and Karen;
“To the top of the plyo! to the top of the wall!
“Now sprint away! sprint away! sprint away all!”

They were dressed in short shorts, sport bras..such a hoot
And their clothes were covered with chalk, not soot
A medicine ball was flung on each back,
And they looked like a model just showing her rack:
Their eyes – how they twinkled! their muscles, how shiny
Their back cheeks were like mounds, their waists oh so tiny
Their thighs stretched and folded in a squat tempo,
knees kept in great angles, and asses down low
Blisters on tail bones from sit ups were treats
and everyone got up in Turkish beats
They touched the bar with toes to flatten the belly
not thinking at all of a zone with jelly:
No one’s chubby and plump, after AMRAP was done
TABATAS were nothing as they all feel they’ve won
High swings of the bell and twists of the head
Soon clear to everyone they had nothing to dread.
No one spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,
to complete the snatch, the clean and a jerk,
And laying the ego as weaknesses exposed
confidence went down but in seconds rose
They jumped double unders, and hearts beat in sizzle
And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
They moaned and exclaimed, feeling better and light
Happy burpees to all, and to all a good fight.

I asked her to write a bit about herself too, by way of Author Profile if you will:

I typically write psychological thrillers and erotic poetry. I have always been physically active but CrossFit is the only one that made me say, “I am obsessed.” I workout at home now using equipments my husband built since I live in a very small mountain town and the nearest box is not the best choice I have. When I am not working out, I could be found teaching third graders and volunteering at a children’s hospital. I keep myself busy as it is a way to manage my obsessive compulsive disorders. I sew, make jewelry, scrapbook, and create paper art.

It’s nice that CrossFit can make connections with people worldwide, despite the fact that I’ll probably never meet many of the people I meet, or speak to in real life.

{ 1 comment… add one }
  • Mark 25 April 2013, 3:09 am

    Great poem. I am about to start CrossFit and this poem definitely provides motivation.

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